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Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships

How to stop the crazy-making and reclaim your life from toxic people, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse.

The Save Your Sanity podcast offers episodes filled with the expert insights, validation, strategies, and support you need to recognize, manage, and recover from relationships with the relentlessly difficult, toxic--and ... More
Latest Episode
2019-10-21

Who Cares? Not Hijackals! They're Empathy Deficient.

Ep. 80

Are you with someone who is empathy deficient? Someone who shows almost know interest in your thoughts, feelings, needs, or wants?

That could be a parent, partner, ex, sibling, or co-worker.


It's so hard to comprehend when someone doesn't seem to have the interest or the bandwidth to take you into account, right?

Empathy deficiency!


I've done a lot of reading on the topic of empathy, the lack of empathy, and its relationship to narcissistic, psychopathic, sociopathic, and borderline behavior development, as you can imagine. I'm always on a quest to help you understand how these people, relationships, and toxicity happens, and I have to fully understand first.


#Hijackals are empathy deficient! I like the clear definition of empathy that is offered by Simon Baron-Cohen of the University of Cambridge in his book, The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty:


"Empathy is our ability to identify what someone else is thinking or feeling, and to respond to their thoughts and feelings with an appropriate emotion."


It sounds so natural and straightforward, doesn't it? But, for those raised in difficult situations, abusive situations, or toxic homes, there is likelihood that Baren-Cohen says that have empathy allows us to mostly accurately understand and identify where other people "are at."


When a person has experienced incest, child abuse, neglect, violence, or been brought up in a home with alcohol or substance abuse, they were likely raised by people who had low regard for children, and high regard for themselves. These adults in charge of that home were often dismissive, degrading, demanding, or destructive to children. Big damage can be done!


When you find yourself in a relationship with a #Hijackal, you will work much harder at the relationship than the Hijackal. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? Know this: the Hijackals lack of empathy, or unwillingness to relate to or care about your thoughts, feelings, perceptions, needs, wants, or much of anything you bring up, has nothing to do with anything you did. Yes, it's currently your problem, but you didn't create it.


AND, you can stand on your head and spit wooden nickels for a year, and it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY TO GET ANY BETTER for more than an occasional hot minute when the Hijackal wants something or thinks /she is losing you. Know that right down to your bones.


Hijackals are empathy deficient, and you cannot fix that, help with that, or change that! Listen to this episode to understand this "empathy-free" approach to life and relationship more fully.


Good news. You can get out of the Hijackal Trap. Read my downloadable ebook, Escaping the Hijackal Trap. You can recover from any symptoms of Narcissistic Victim Syndrome. It will take awhile, but you'll recover to live and love and trust again. If you're ready to do that now, let's talk: BeAClient.com



Listen in, and subscribe.


--------------------------------------------------------------

I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.

----------------------------------------------------------------------


HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

Answers to...

  • What is empathy?
  • How is empathy developed?
  • How do people become empathy deficient?
  • Is it likely that an empathy deficient person will change?
  • Is it my fault #Hijackals behave so thoughtlessly, and often cruelly?


You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.

Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.


Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my

FREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!


If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.


Make positive changes NOW.


Big hugs,

Rhoberta


Rhoberta Shaler, PhD,

The Relationship Help Doctor

TransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.com


P.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.


WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?

You can have that, and:

  • access to my Optimize Circles
  • my 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy program
  • monthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes two
  • at least monthly insightful videos and access to the library

You can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!

OptimizeCircles.com


CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:

Website: TransformingRelationship.com

Podcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.com

Facebook: RelationshipHelpDoctor

Twitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

Instagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler


YouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

Weekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.

Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.

Ask your questions in the chat each week!


You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.


#empathy #empathydeficient #empathyfree #coercivecontrol #narcissisticabuse #toxicnarcissist #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #sociopath #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople

2019-10-21

Who Cares? Not Hijackals! They're Empathy Deficient.

Ep. 80

Are you with someone who is empathy deficient? Someone who shows almost know interest in your thoughts, feelings, needs, or wants?

That could be a parent, partner, ex, sibling, or co-worker.


It's so hard to comprehend when someone doesn't seem to have the interest or the bandwidth to take you into account, right?

Empathy deficiency!


I've done a lot of reading on the topic of empathy, the lack of empathy, and its relationship to narcissistic, psychopathic, sociopathic, and borderline behavior development, as you can imagine. I'm always on a quest to help you understand how these people, relationships, and toxicity happens, and I have to fully understand first.


#Hijackals are empathy deficient! I like the clear definition of empathy that is offered by Simon Baron-Cohen of the University of Cambridge in his book, The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty:


"Empathy is our ability to identify what someone else is thinking or feeling, and to respond to their thoughts and feelings with an appropriate emotion."


It sounds so natural and straightforward, doesn't it? But, for those raised in difficult situations, abusive situations, or toxic homes, there is likelihood that Baren-Cohen says that have empathy allows us to mostly accurately understand and identify where other people "are at."


When a person has experienced incest, child abuse, neglect, violence, or been brought up in a home with alcohol or substance abuse, they were likely raised by people who had low regard for children, and high regard for themselves. These adults in charge of that home were often dismissive, degrading, demanding, or destructive to children. Big damage can be done!


When you find yourself in a relationship with a #Hijackal, you will work much harder at the relationship than the Hijackal. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? Know this: the Hijackals lack of empathy, or unwillingness to relate to or care about your thoughts, feelings, perceptions, needs, wants, or much of anything you bring up, has nothing to do with anything you did. Yes, it's currently your problem, but you didn't create it.


AND, you can stand on your head and spit wooden nickels for a year, and it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY TO GET ANY BETTER for more than an occasional hot minute when the Hijackal wants something or thinks /she is losing you. Know that right down to your bones.


Hijackals are empathy deficient, and you cannot fix that, help with that, or change that! Listen to this episode to understand this "empathy-free" approach to life and relationship more fully.


Good news. You can get out of the Hijackal Trap. Read my downloadable ebook, Escaping the Hijackal Trap. You can recover from any symptoms of Narcissistic Victim Syndrome. It will take awhile, but you'll recover to live and love and trust again. If you're ready to do that now, let's talk: BeAClient.com



Listen in, and subscribe.


--------------------------------------------------------------

I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.

----------------------------------------------------------------------


HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

Answers to...

  • What is empathy?
  • How is empathy developed?
  • How do people become empathy deficient?
  • Is it likely that an empathy deficient person will change?
  • Is it my fault #Hijackals behave so thoughtlessly, and often cruelly?


You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.

Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.


Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my

FREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!


If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.


Make positive changes NOW.


Big hugs,

Rhoberta


Rhoberta Shaler, PhD,

The Relationship Help Doctor

TransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.com


P.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.


WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?

You can have that, and:

  • access to my Optimize Circles
  • my 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy program
  • monthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes two
  • at least monthly insightful videos and access to the library

You can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!

OptimizeCircles.com


CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:

Website: TransformingRelationship.com

Podcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.com

Facebook: RelationshipHelpDoctor

Twitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

Instagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler


YouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

Weekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.

Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.

Ask your questions in the chat each week!


You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.


#empathy #empathydeficient #empathyfree #coercivecontrol #narcissisticabuse #toxicnarcissist #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #sociopath #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople

2019-10-13

Caught in the Hijackal® Trap? Narcissistic Victim Syndrome

Ep. 79

The #Hijackal Trap usually closes slowly. At first, everything seems rosy, wonderful, and just what you've always longer for.

Then, it starts to close. Narcissistic behavior is crafty!


You want to believe what you fell in love with was true, so you rationalize, justify, and excuse red flag behaviors.


Did you do that? Are you doing that? That will keep you trapped!


In this episode, I walk you through more than eight clear signs and symptoms that you are caught in the #Hijackal Trap, and hopefully, you'll see them clearly. Once you see them, you can make better decisions for yourself...and, for your children. Until you see them, you may think everything is your fault. At least, that's what the Hijackal has been telling you, right?


When someone tells you something negative about the person who has caused you to listen to this, do you instantly jump to their defense? Or, do you make it all your fault? These are signs you are in the #HijackalTrap


Good news. You can get out of the Hijackal Trap. Read my downloadable ebook, Escaping the Hijackal Trap. You can recover from any symptoms of Narcissistic Victim Syndrome. It will take awhile, but you'll recover to live and love and trust again. If you're ready to do that now, let's talk: BeAClient.com



Listen in, and subscribe.


--------------------------------------------------------------

I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.

----------------------------------------------------------------------


HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

  • How does it feel to be caught in the #Hijackal® Trap?
  • What are the behaviors that #Hijackals use to trap you?
  • Why it's not your fault, no matter what a Hijackal tells you.
  • Are you caught up in defending your abuser?
  • What about the #gaslighting ?
  • How wanting to be a good person can trip you up in the Hijackal Trap.


You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.

Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.


Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my

FREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!


If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.


Make positive changes NOW.


Big hugs,

Rhoberta


Rhoberta Shaler, PhD,

The Relationship Help Doctor

TransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.com


P.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.


WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?

You can have that, and:

  • access to my Optimize Circles
  • my 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy program
  • monthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes two
  • at least monthly insightful videos and access to the library

You can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!

OptimizeCircles.com


CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:

Website: TransformingRelationship.com

Podcasts: RelationshipHelpNetwork.com

Facebook: RelationshipHelpDoctor

Twitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

Instagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler


YouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

Weekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.

Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.

Ask your questions in the chat each week!


You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.


#traumabonding #gaslighting #defendingabuser #narcissisticvictimsyndrome #hijackaltrap #secondguessingmyself #coercivecontrol #narcissisticabuse #toxicnarcissist #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #sociopath #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople

2019-10-7

Coercive Control: Sneaky, Subtle & Sadistic Patterns of Domination

Ep. 78

Have you heard the term, coercive control? You may not have as it's just slowly coming to awareness. And, it is SO important that it does!

Coercive control is life-sucking!


That's why I've chosen to give you an understanding of the many aspects of coercive control in today's episode. Evan Stark, PhD, coined the term

"coercive control" and he defines it this way,


"...an ongoing pattern of domination by which male abusive partners primarily interweave repeated physical and sexual violence with intimidation, sexual degradation, isolation, and control."


Does any of that sound like something that has happened to you? He writes about men because he says that coercive control is a 'gendered' issue, He writes about this in his paper, Re-Presenting Battered Women: Coercive Control and the Defense of Liberty.


He says,


"The primary outcome of coercive control is a condition of entrapment that can be hostage-like in the harms it inflicts on dignity, liberty, autonomy, and personhood as well as to physical and psychological integrity."


Does this sound familiar in any way to you? Have you felt degraded, diminished, discounted, and devalued by a toxic partner, one of those folks I call #Hijackals®?


Listen in, and subscribe.


--------------------------------------------------------------

I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.

----------------------------------------------------------------------


HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

  • What is coercive control?
  • Why it is a 'gendered' issue?
  • Why law enforcement as too often failed to look at the repeating patterns of non-physical abuse.
  • How intimidation fits into coercive abuse.
  • Why you need to really understand how destructive this and how it breaks you down over time
  • Why documenting the things that are said, done, and left undone in the relationship is SO important


You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.

Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.


Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my

FREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!


If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.


Make positive changes NOW.


Big hugs,

Rhoberta


Rhoberta Shaler, PhD,

The Relationship Help Doctor

TransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.com


P.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.


WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?

You can have that, and:

  • access to my Optimize Circles
  • my 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy program
  • monthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes two
  • at least monthly insightful videos and access to the library

You can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!

OptimizeCircles.com


CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:

Website: TransformingRelationship.com

Facebook: RelationshipHelpDoctor

Twitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

Instagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler


YouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

Weekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.

Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.

Ask your questions in the chat each week!


You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.


#coercivecontrol #narcissisticabuse #toxicnarcissist #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #sociopath #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople

2019-9-30

Do Narcissistic Hijackals Hurt You on Purpose?

So often, clients and members ask me if the relentless difficult, toxic people in their lives are that way on purpose.

Followed closely by the question: does s/he want to hurt me?


Have you wondered if your mean, blaming partner wants to hurt you?

Did you have a #Hijackal parent who told you you were unwanted, or never good enough?

Are you in a toxic relationship now?


#Hijackals are made, not born. A baby may start life with some leanings, but it's the people in their lives and in the world around them as they gron that influence and teach them how to survive. If you have a #Hijackal parent, you will have had lessons in being unsafe, dismissed, invalidated, and at fault. That's what Hijackal parents do.


#Narcissists get offended easily, don't they? #Narcissists are hypersensitive to disrespect, disloyalty, or anyone they think is trying to take something from them. Because they really have no interest in your needs, wants, feelings, or thoughts, they are also not concerned about you. They only care about themselves.


Similarly, narcissistic people don't care much about their children's feelings or needs. They care that they APPEAR to be good parents to the community, but they often do little to BE good parents to their children. I know. It's hard to believe that, but it's too often the truth. Hijackals are only interested in the children reflecting well on them, not on providing stability, love, direction, and care to them.


So, do they intentionally hurt you? Do they do nasty things on purpose? Listen in, and recognize these truths.


--------------------------------------------------------------

I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.

----------------------------------------------------------------------


HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

  • What happened in early life to create narcissistic tendencies
  • Are #Hijackals self-aware?
  • Why toxic people are actually insecure
  • Healthier ways to manage toxic relationships
  • Keeping yourself safe ...and your children
  • Making sound decisions about relationship


You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.

Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.


Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my

FREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!


If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.


Make positive changes NOW.


Big hugs,

Rhoberta


Rhoberta Shaler, PhD,

The Relationship Help Doctor

TransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.com


P.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.


WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?

You can have that, and:

  • access to my Optimize Circles
  • my 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy program
  • monthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes two
  • at least monthly insightful videos and access to the library

You can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!

OptimizeCircles.com


CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:

Website: TransformingRelationship.com

Facebook: RelationshipHelpDoctor

Twitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

Instagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler


YouTubeYouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

Weekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.

Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.

Ask your questions in the chat each week!


You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.


#intentionallyhurt #narcissisticabuse #toxicnarcissist #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #changeanarcissist #changeasociopath #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #sociopath #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople

2019-9-24

3 Unlikely Ways to Shut Down a Passive-Aggressive Conversation

Ep. 76

Stop playing these shady, passive-aggressive games! Right? It's not that easy.

In this episode, you'll hear three better ways for you to bring clarity to a conversation that is going down that shady, #passiveaggressive path.


If you have a relationship with someone--a friend, parent, sibling, partner, co-worker--whose weapon of choice is a passive-aggressive remark or behavior, you know just what I'm talking about in today's episode. Their comment hits you and, at first, it almost sounds logical, and maybe even justified. But, then you realize that you're confused and strangely annoyed...and, it all happened in a split second.


Passive-aggressive strike!


What a passive-aggressive person says is not neutral. It's charged with underlying anger, often in the form of resentment or entitlement that the speaker may not even recognize or admit to. That anger is often hidden in the way the words are delivered. Sometimes, it's served up while the person looks you straight in the eyes, defying you to make a fuss.


Is this at all familiar?


Then, these three ways to respond that can slowly put an end to either the passive-aggressive behavior, or to them thinking they are ever going to get away with it, will help you.



----------------------------------------------------------------

I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.

----------------------------------------------------------------------


HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

  • Passive-aggressive words and behaviors are sneaky ways of trying to exert power over you.
  • Why when one person stops playing the passive-aggressive game, the game has to end.
  • Why you need to speak up
  • How to speak up


You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.

Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.


Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my

FREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!


If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.


Make positive changes NOW.


Big hugs,

Rhoberta


Rhoberta Shaler, PhD,

The Relationship Help Doctor

TransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.com


P.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.


WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?

You can have that, and:

  • access to my Optimize Circles
  • my 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy program
  • monthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes two
  • at least monthly insightful videos and access to the library

You can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!

OptimizeCircles.com


CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:

Website: TransformingRelationship.com

Facebook: RelationshipHelpDoctor

Twitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

Instagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler


YouTubeYouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

Weekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.

Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.

Ask your questions in the chat each week!


You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.


#passiveaggressive #stopsneakybehavior #leavinganarcissist #hijackals #changeanarcissist #changeasociopath #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople

2019-9-15

Staying With a Hijackal Out of Guilt and Duty? Unhealthy Reasons!

Ep. 75

I know. You don't want to be accused, or accuse yourself, of abandoning a person. You especially don't want to be accused of abandoning a person in need.


#Hijackals are always in need: in need of you to use, misuse, and abuse. Does that make you want to stay? I hope not.


Would you tell your best friend to stay in a situation like yours? Hmmmm....pause for thought, right?


I'm Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, and I work with individuals and couples from many countries through videoconferencing and I say:


"You cannot remain in a strained relationship with no conceivable healthy future out of a sense of duty, obligation, shame, or guilt."


Do you understand that?

Will you allow yourself to believe that?

Will you, then, entertain the idea that guilt, obligation, and duty are NOT reasons to stay in an unhealthy relationship?

I hope so.


Today's episode is a little hard-hitting--maybe--but that may be what you need today. You may be in the excuse-making business, and there is no profit in that.


Got that? THERE IS NO PROFIT IN THE EXCUSE-MAKING BUSINESS!


I want the best for you, and I'm here to help. If you want to talk with me directly one-to-one go to BeAClient.com now.



----------------------------------------------------------------

I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.

----------------------------------------------------------------------


HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

  • Why you may be reluctant to leave a difficult person
  • Why you make excuses for another person's behavior too long
  • Steps to take to making clear decisions about a relationship
  • How to know when it's time to fold
  • Why you're not a bad person when you want to leave a person who treats you badly
  • Understanding the needs of a #narcissist to win


You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.

Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.


Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my

FREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!


If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.


Make positive changes NOW.


Big hugs,

Rhoberta


Rhoberta Shaler, PhD,

The Relationship Help Doctor

TransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.com


P.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.


WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?

You can have that, and:

  • access to my Optimize Circles
  • my 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy program
  • monthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes two
  • at least monthly insightful videos and access to the library

You can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!

OptimizeCircles.com


CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:

Website: TransformingRelationship.com

Facebook: RelationshipHelpDoctor

Twitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

Instagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler


YouTubeYouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

Weekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.

Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.

Ask your questions in the chat each week!


You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.


#stayingoutofguilt #leavinganarcissist #whyleaveanarcissist #hijackals #changeanarcissist #changeasociopath #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople

2019-9-9

Unattachable? Why You Cannot Change the Nature of a Hijackal.

Ep. 74

Parents who were emotionally available, perceptive, and responsive to you, to your needs and mental states, are a great gift! They tend to provide you with attachment that is secure. This is an excellent foundation for a healthy emotional life.


Parents who were emotionally unavailable, or inconsistently available, perceptive or response to your needs, and tended to intrude their own states of mind onto you as a tiny child, could create what is called a "resistant, ambivalent, or anxious attachment" to others. This is an excellent breeding ground for an unhealthy emotional life. And, in particular, sets the stage for personality distortions in later life.


So, that person whom you met when they were an adult--a partner, ex, parent, co-worker--was already pre-disposed to their outwardly self-important, prone to pomposity, self-adoration, and annoyingly entitled behaviors long before you can along.


You can't change them.

They don't want to change. T

hey see no need to change.


Got it?

Good!

Let yourself off the hook.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!

If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.

Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.

WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.

----------------------------------------------------------------------


HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:

  • What attachment theory is
  • How attachment theory helps explain the basic nature of people in relationships
  • Secure attachment is healthy
  • Avoidant attachment is dismissive
  • Anxious,attachment, ambivalent attachment is preoccupied
  • Disorganized attachment is unresolved
  • Why a Hijackal's behavior is not your fault
  • Why you cannot change a #Hijackal


You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.

Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts.


Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab my

FREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!


If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.


Make positive changes NOW.


Big hugs,

Rhoberta


Rhoberta Shaler, PhD,

The Relationship Help Doctor

TransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.com


P.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.


WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?

You can have that, and:

  • access to my Optimize Circles
  • my 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy program
  • monthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes two
  • at least monthly insightful videos and access to the library

You can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!

OptimizeCircles.com


CONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:

Website: TransformingRelationship.com

Facebook: RelationshipHelpDoctor

Twitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShaler

LinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShaler

Instagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShaler


YouTubeYouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelp

Weekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.

Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.

Ask your questions in the chat each week!


You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.


#attachment #attachmenttheory #changeanarcissist #changeasociopath #saveyoursanity #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #toxicpeople